I started off the year gifting a Personal Essay a day for the first seven days of 2019. I then decided to gift a prompt a week, starting on January 14th. I’m collecting them here for your enjoyment. This is courtesy of Vanessa Mártir & the Writing Our Lives Workshop. Enjoy & let me know how it goes! Happy 2019!
January 1st: Write a list of at least three stories that haunt you, that you revisit again and again in your memory &/or stories. Try to include at least one that brings you joy. Pick one from the list. Write for at least ten minutes with that story in mind. Focus on imagery and your senses. What do you remember seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, hearing? How does it feel in your body?
January 2nd: In the movie Precious, the protagonist Clareece “Precious” Jones says about her teacher Ms. Rain: “Some folks has a lot of things around them that shines for other peoples. I think that maybe some of them was in tunnels. And in that tunnel, the only light they had, was inside of them. And then long after they escape that tunnel, they still be shining for everybody else. That’s Ms. Rain to me.” Did you have a Ms. Rain in your life? A teacher or mentor who believed in you, fought for you and pushed you? Who was that person? Write the story of how they saved or helped you. Be sure to show the relationship not just tell it. What did they save you from? Why did you need saving?
January 3rd: Draw the floor plan of a place from your childhood. It can be your bedroom or your backyard, the playground you played in, your best friend’s kitchen, the block you grew up on. Just keep it focused & include as many details as possible: What colors stick out? What do you smell, hear, etc? As your draw, memories will come flooding in. Make notes so you remember then keep drawing. When you’re done, you’ll have a list of memories. Pick one. Preferably the one that’s most charged. Write the memory. Use your senses and imagery. Show scenes. Consider why this memory is so ripe with emotion? Who is there? What influence have these people had on your life, then and now?
January 4th: Who are the people who show up consistently in your writing? Write a list of at least three. Pick one. Now write a list of memories with that person. Remember the person’s humanity. Try to think about their positive and negative traits. Show their complexities. Now write about the relationship. Why does this person come up so often in your work? What was/is their influence on you? Is your relationship antagonistic or loving? Show this.
January 5th: Write a list of your favorite dishes, that you make yourself or were made for you: a soup your mom made you when you were sick as a kid, your aunt’s baked chicken, your grandma’s rice pudding, the beef neck bone soup you taught yourself how to make, that pizza you had at Pinocchio’s in Harvard Square way back when. List at least three. Now choose one. Write about the time(s) you’ve had this meal. Be as descriptive as possible: who was there, when was this, what do you smell, taste, etc. How do you feel as you’re remembering and writing? How does it feel in your body? Why do these memories provoke that reaction?
January 6th: Who have been the great romantic loves of your life? List them. Write on how you met, what you remember most about each relationship, why they didn’t work and/or fell apart. What did these great loves have in common? How were they different? What did you learn from each one? How did you grow? What cycles did you repeat? Who or what can you trace that back to?
January 7th: Do you have regrets or things you would do differently were you given the chance? List a few of them. They can be regrets about love or decisions about education, career, friendship, etc. Pick one from your list. Write on what you would do differently. Consider what you did, how it manifested in your life, what good and bad came of the decision. Do you think you would be who you are and where you are today had you done some things differently? Would it be worth it to go back and make that change? What can you do today to bring you closer to that person you wish you were now had you done behaved differently?
A personal essay prompt a week in 2019
List 3 ages. Eg: 5, 15, 25
List 3 emotions. Eg: joy, rage, shame.
Pick one emotion..
Close your eyes: Where do you feel the emotion in your body? Eg: I feel rage in my jaw.
Set a timer and write for 3 minutes on a memory of this emotion at the ages you chose. If you picked joy and the ages 5, 15, & 25, you will write for 3 minutes on feeling joy at the age of 5, 3 minutes on feeling joy at 15, & 3 minutes on feeling joy at 25.
Reread what you’ve written. Is there a thread or common theme in the memories, besides the emotion? Write on that for 3 minutes.
January 21st: In “Literature’s Troubled Legacy of Grieving Madwomen” (Bitch Magazine, Fall 2018), Ilana Masad writes:
Perhaps so many grieving women become mentally unstable because we culturally refuse to validate grief as a part of life. Women may have it right, though, in literature as in life: Going mad may be the only rational response to losing a loved one, to losing one’s own self, to losing one’s sense of dignity and worth. Maybe we don’t need to prioritize sanity and composure in the face of grief; perhaps we should all be allowed to go a little mad.
Write about grief that drove you mad. What/who were you grieving? How did it feel in your body? Were you able to transform that grief into something else? How? Share your process.
January 28th: In his seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score”, Dr. Bessel Van Dee Kolk writes: “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.” Write about the people who have made you feel the most safe. What did they do for you that made you feel so safe? Write about specific instances & gestures. Write scenes. Use your senses. What does safety look like? How does it feel in your body?
If you have experienced trauma, this will likely trigger memories of being unsafe. Remember to take care of yourself while you dig into this. Self-care is critical while doing this work.
February 4th: Write a list of social issues you are passionate about. Pick one and write about why you’re personally invested in it. Write the story of what happened to you or someone you love in your past that has made you particularly invested in the issue. Be specific. Show me, don’t just tell me.
For example, gay rights is a big issue for me because I was raised by lesbians & because I am a queer woman in a lesbian relationship. When I saw the conservative backlash to the cover of the February issue of Parents Magazine, featuring the first same sex couple in the magazine’s history, I knew I had to write about it. That essay, “Teaching my daughter that love is love,” was published last week in the Washington Post.
February 11th: Friendships are vital but we don’t often talk about how to cope or move on when they end. There’s an expectation that friendships should be easy for adults, but we all know that isn’t true. Friendship breakups are often harder than the romantic kind. Write about a friendship breakup you had as an adult. Show the relationship in scenes and anecdotes. Show what happened that the relationship ended and how you coped (or didn’t cope). Own your role in the demise of the friendship. This isn’t about vilifying or victimizing anyone. What would you say to this person now? How have (or haven’t) you grieved the loss? Consider other friendship breakups you’ve had over the years. Do you see a pattern arise? If yes, what does it say/mean about you and the people you tend to befriend?
February 18th: Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, & necessary, but it often takes us a lot of time & countless disappointments & heartbreaks to realize this. Write about your journey to setting boundaries with someone—a friend, family member, romantic partner. Show how they behaved inappropriately or in some way violated your trust so you had to set these boundaries. How did they react to your challenging their behavior? Did they get angry & defensive? Did you, in turn, feel guilty? Did the relationship survive or was it irrevocably damaged as a result? What did you learn from the experience? If you could go back in time, would you have responded differently? If so, how & why?
February 25th: Trace your journey to becoming a writer. How did you come to writing? Do you remember when you first started telling stories, to yourself and to others? Do you remember where? When did you realize you are a writer? When did you own it? What made you own it? Have you answered the call? How? Remember to show scenes. What did it feel like in your body? What does it feel like now?
March 4th: Write a list of “firsts” — i.e. first time you kissed someone, first time you drove a car, first job you had, first time you had a drink, etc. Select one. Write about how you felt. Who was there? Show and tell. Repeat this for as many on your list as you want. Then reread your writing. Is there a pattern?
March 11th: I read on Twitter some time ago that on her desk writer Tayari Jones has “a tiny jar containing a few spoonfuls of earth from Lorain, Ohio. This is how much I love Toni Morrison.” I thought of the junk yard next to the building I grew up in in 1980s Bushwick and our backyard where I climbed up that plum tree so many times. In those connected yards was where I started telling myself stories. It was there that I first became a writer.
If I could, I’d have a tiny jar containing spoonfuls of that soil from back then—the soil that fed my mother’s garden and molded and saved that girl I was who is now this woman writing these lines.
On my desk I have a jar containing soil from the forest of Inwood Hill Park, where I found my footing again so many times over the years, especially after my brother’s death sent me reeling into the darkest place of my life in 2013.
If you could have a jar of soil from any time and place in history, where would it be from and why? Use detail. Show what that place means/meant to you. Why do you want to honor it in this way? Give me scenes. Build a world.
March 18th: If you write about your life, chances are you write about your family. We can’t get away from them and how they’ve shaped us, but it’s difficult to write about the people who we love the most and have also hurt us the worst. How do we write about family with honesty and respect?
I tell my students: Let the small things do the work. For example, what can emerge if you write about hands: yours, your mother’s, your grandmother’s, your brother’s; or the way family members sigh (check out Bernard Cooper’s “The Fine Art of Sighing” as a model).
Your prompt for this week: Make a list of family members, then pick a body part (hands, feet, noses) or a simple human act (how they laugh, sigh, etc) to write about these people. What can you tell about your mother by describing her hands, how they’ve held you, cooked for you, beat you, etc? What can you tell about her by describing the way she laughs, when she laughs, how she laughs, etc? Repeat this for each family member. See if a pattern emerges or if you have any revelations.
March 25th: Write about where you were raised: the block, neighborhood, town, city. What memories stand out about that place. Why? How do you think being raised there shaped you? If you were raised in various places, write about each place and the memories of that place.
To help jostle your memory, you can draw a map of the block and/or neighborhood. Include where you played, went to school, went food and clothes shopping. Where did your friends live? Your first love? Your enemy? Expect memories to come flooding in. Write them down as you go.
Locate yourself in the history of the place. Do some research: What native tribes inhabited the place? What happened to them? What immigrants lived there during what times? How were the blocks named? When and how did your family come to live there? Etc.