Because this is one of the most important essays I’ve ever written. A version of this essay appears in Dismantle: An Anthology of Writing From the VONA/Voices Writing Workshop.
I once punched a girl in the face for saying, “You’re dirty like your lesbian moms.” All because a boy she liked, liked me. I didn’t think about it, I just swung. Then I dared her to say it again. She didn’t. She knew better.
I was raised in a gay relationship in the 70s and 80s. Long before Heather has Two Mommies hit the mainstream in the 90s. And just a few years after the American Psychiatric Association took homosexuality off the list of mental disorders in 1973.
For years I was told that my family was living in sin. That my two mothers were immoral and disgusting and going to hell. That no one’s born gay.
Still, when I went to boarding school at 13, I didn’t tell anybody about my family. I convinced myself that I just didn’t want to deal with it. What would people say?…
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I found your article on huffington post and loved it. the one about Millie… I Am Sorry FOR your Loss. I write and I pray that someday maybe my work will be on huffington post as well. I read your words and needed to read more. i got on your page and spent most of the night on it, absorbing every word. i love your honesty, your ability to say ‘fuck it’ and write what you need to write. i love your writing as well and sometimes feel like i’m bound by this invisible force. i find that when i write honestly, every gritty detail of my life exposed, all the ugly, all the angry, all the shameful experiences i get no feedback. people want to be inspired and i am not an inspiration and reading your words mean so much to me because i relate to your pain, to your struggles, i just understand you. You Are MY Inspiration. i am amazed how well you put your stories on paper, honest, painful and that’s what our lives are sometimes, those are stories, stories of happy and ugly, angry and grateful. I am 36 and have been fighting 2 cancers, stage 3 breast cancer and leukemia … I had two transplants, chemo, radiation, lost both breasts and can’t have reconstruction, all my organs are damaged. i don’t want pity. I just want to speak my truth. I hate judgement. i’ve been fighting since i was 32. i was diagnosed accidentally while feeling great, traveling, working, living. cancers gutted my life. i’m a single parent to a girl and God, how i relate to you stories of your girl growing up. I was also stuck between two cultures and came to US as an 11 year old scared, embarrassed to talk as kids would make fun of me. i can probably write forever. i just wanted to say, i’m blessed to have found you. you definitely hit chords within me that haven’t been hit for while, all my love. Veeka Kurinets
Hello Victoria. Thank you for reading & writing to share your story. I am sending you & your daughter infinite light & love & healing. I also hope that you get to share your stories with the world. They are necessary. Keep writing!